Is the case of of Tilikum vs. Branchaeu an instance of murder in the first degree or a simple act of animal instincts?

No one other than Tilikum knows what was going on in his head on Wednesday, February 24th, when he grabbed Dawn Brancheau, a veteran SeaWorld trainer, by the ponytail – and drowned her.

But, I would like to make an educated guess: Tilikum knew exactly what he was doing; I would even go so far as to say he waited for an audience to make his point ever clearer.

Am I anthropomorphosizing? Totally.

Do I have any basis for my hypothesis? You betcha.

First, a few facts about killer whales (aka Orcinus Orca, aka Cetaceanus premeditates killius) to make my case:

1. Tilikum is intelligent- in fact he’s a straight up Genius.

Although Scientists argue over how to measure true intelligence (self awareness tests, tool use, etc…) almost all agree on one fact: brain/body proportions have a direct correlation to intelligence; The bigger, heavier and more ‘wrinkly’ the brain, in comparison to body size , the smarter the animal. This is known as the Encephalization Quotient or EQ. According to these standards, that would make Cetaceans (whales and dolphins) among the smartest animals in the world, second only to you, me and the rest of our fellow Homo sapiens. Although EQ varies widely between species, the Orca has an EQ of 2.57, which is below the human EQ of 7.44, but is still one of the highest among mammals.

Skeptical? Argue your point through SONAR. Oh right – you can’t.

2. Killer Whales that are trained get punished – and that sucks.

Take it from a former zookeeper-a lot goes on behind closed doors. Visitors don’t get to see it all, and this includes punishment. By NO means am I alluding to animal abuse, I’m talking about positive/negative reinforcement- a necessary evil in the world of trained animals. Just like a mom and her child, a trainer must discipline an animal as part of training. When Tilikum puts the ball in the basket he gets a fish, but when he throws it at another orca, he gets denied that yummy fish-that’s positive reinforcement; rewarding good behavior and withholding the award for bad.

Then there’s option 2, negative reinforcement. The trainer can punish a bad behavior- i.e., the animal may get a smaller fish for lunch or receive a tap of disapproval. You didn’t like it when your momma took away your ice cream, did you? What makes an Orca any different. It just so happens, on that fateful day that Tilikum killed his trainer, he was misbehaving at a prior show and was reprimanded for it; which brings us to the next point…

3. Killer whales have a killer memory.

Along With a huge brain comes a huge temporal lobe. This giant mush of cognition contains an almond –shaped, neuron-packed area called the amygdale, that holds onto memories- the good and the bad. In fact, the UK’s premier memory supplier for RAM and all things tech-memory related – is called ORCA . Maybe this was the day Tilikum retrieved some painful megabytes of hardrive…

4. It’s a hard knock life- Living in a bathtub.

Let’s face it – Orcas’ living conditions are not exactly ‘glamorous’. The United States Geologic Survey (USGS) estimates there to be 346,049,000,000,000,000,000 gallons of water in the oceans (yup we’re in the sixtillions now), whereas the Orlando SeaWorld aquarium tank holds a measly 7 million gallons. On top of that, the orcas are ushered in and out of these tanks via smaller ‘holding areas’ with controlled gates. The trainers are the gatekeepers; And, Tilikum and his whale friends know this.

5. Killer whales have feelings too!

Emotions. Animals. Two words that are so simple, yet when placed side by side in a sentence, cause a monsoon of debate.

Can Orcas feel? Scientific studies, field observations, and contributors on Answers.com claim – yes!

Orcas travel in pods- complex social groups. Within the group, individuals partake in monogamous relationships, cheating, ostracizing..you name it! They also experience jealousy, anger, bullying, and even exhibit revenge-seeking behaviors.

Tilikum is the saltwater Brad Pitt – this hunka’ chunka’ Orcan lovin’ has sired 13 kids- only to have each one taken from him as a whale toddler, ouch! that’s gotta hurt (the pop and pod). To top it off, he’s the biggest Orca in captivity – you gotta assume broski had some body issues going on.

6. Killer whales and humans are BFF.

Killer Whales are not naturally aggressive to humans- This is a fact. In the wild, they have been known to swim alongside divers and even protect them from sharks. Occasionally, due to curiosity, they have upturned a boat but have left the floating humans in peace. Even in captivity, violence towards trainers in theme parks or aquariums is an aberration (hence the pandemonium over this incident).

So why, Tilly? Why’d you do it?

Now we come to the raw guts of the case: Team Tilikum’s defensive strategy claims that he wanted to inspect the ponytail of Brancheau (a human he’s seen every day for the past 15 years), and simply played with her as a ‘water toy.’

Was curiosity and playfulness responsible for the drowning one of his trainers in 1991, at SeaLand in British Columbia, or the death of the man that crept into his Orlando tank in 1999?

Give me a break! To assume so, would be to disrespect the species and is just plain wrong.

The Verdict:

The Verdict is therefore involuntary manslaughter with motive to injure-justified by self defense; Defending a life in captivity after being ripped from Iceland’s coast, at the tender age of 2, and losing his family, his freedom, and his right to live out his life as wild orca.

The Sentence: Exoneration and mandatory community service in the form of looking cute and Shamu-like for visitors (Be a trooper, Tills- you are an ambassador for your species and hey, you got off pretty clean).

At the end of the day no one wants to see an orca with a flopped dorsal fin, it might just be one of the saddest sights in the whole wide world. A majestic symbol of beauty and nature confined to a swimming pool of humankind.

Yet, I am not a proponent of closing down the parks and releasing all marine life to the wild; SeaWorld is a real-life educational operation – which ‘owns’ 25 orcas and annually receives over 13 million visitors. That’s an impressive number (over half a million visitors, per orca, per year)! If even one percent of the people that experienced the orca became moved to help their cause – as did I, and Brancheau, the dedicated, skilled, and happy marine biologist who lost her life – then was its purpose served?

I believe the answer is yes.

Whether or not you agree with me, there is a way we can all help: How can we save the Whales?

Last week the Winter Olympics began focusing on many people’s favorite sport… figure skating. It’s like watching beautiful butterflies magically flutter through the air, a miracle of human grace.

…Or something.

Here are the real reasons men watch the Olympic figure skating:

Top ten reasons why men watch Olympic figure skating

1. You get to say phrases like ‘that was a rough quadruple salchow’ even though you’re not a surgeon.
2. The blades bring back a secret nostalgia for The Mighty Ducks.
3. You get to rate the skaters along with the judges, although your points are based on the same scale as HotOrNot.com.
4. It’s either watching this or Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader – and you know you’re not.
5. Seeing men in periwinkle spandex reasserts your manhood.
6. The lifts on ice give you great material for the book you’re working on ‘Kama Sutra Santa.’
7. There is an evil enjoyment to be had in watching someone trip and fall on ice.
8. The ratio of the girls’ skirts flying in the air versus covering the booty is 4:1.
9. You get to watch #7 and #8 get replayed in slow motion.
10. Hey, you need to associate something positive with The Nutcracker.

Break out the bubbly – it’s that time of year again.

It’s time to celebrate turning one year older and one year wiser (er, well, at least one year older). Let’s take some time to sit back and reflect on some of the most inspiring, outrageous, unfortunate and touching stories of 2009 through the eyes of Answers.com’s most curious contributors.

History was made as the first African American president of the United States was inaugurated into office. A record number of people watched President Barack Obama’s moment in person, as well as from their TV sets and computers around the world. But wouldn’t it have been even better to have been a fly on the White House wall that day? On second thought, maybe not…

Speaking of TV, the commercials of the year go to:

1. Corona, for casting a mysterious hot babe in their beach-front ad…
2. Geico, for vocals, animation and ingenuity…
3. HTC, for getting us pumped with song…

…combine ‘em all and you have a jamming pothole in a white bikini!

If you’re not on Facebook, that means two things. First of all, you are a freak of nature. Second, you missed playing the top three hottest apps on the site: Mafia Wars, YoVille and Farmville. Lucky for you, the WikiAnswers community can answer that question you’ve been dying to know: How do you get the purple sheep in Farmville?

While on the topic of animals, it would be wise to note that our little oinker friend, however cute and tasty, is being held responsible for one of the worst virus scares in history. When the World Health Organization raised the warning level for H1N1 to a shocking level 6 (global pandemic), everyone wanted to know how to avoid the Swine Flu.

Although sickness is avoidable, death, unfortunately, is not. This year saw many fallen stars, such as: gossip columnist James Brady, Charlie’s Angel Farrah Fawcett, Dirty Dancer Patrick Swayze, U.S. Senate powerhouse Ted Kennedy, ‘most trusted man’ Walter Cronkite, all-around actress Natasha Richardson, ‘philosopher of adolescence’ John Hughes and globally-recognized pop music legend Michael Jackson. RIP.

Those stars passed away, while other stars killed their own reputations. Kanye West ripped the mic out of Taylor Swift’s hands faster than Chris Brown could throw a punch at Rihanna. ‘Jon and Kate Plus Eight’ was renamed ‘Kate Plus Eight’ after Jon supposedly strayed from his wife. Tiger Woods was also outed as an 18-hole ‘Cheetah.’

But fret not! Many other rising celebrities have proven their worth to the public in 2009. Underdog Susan Boyle was, at one point this year, the most YouTubed person in the world. She ‘dreamed a dream’ – and so did Justin Bieber, a 15-year-old singing prodigy who became famous after posting his work online.

Another irresistible YouTube sensation included the ‘Forever’ wedding dance.

The Yankees also performed well this year and won the World Series for the 27th time. Baseball was a great distraction from the economic recession, which started with the crash of the stock market in 2008 and led to a global scare – and stimulus plan – in 2009.

Almost as scary was your grandma trying to figure out the conversion box for the TV to HDTV switch.

Why not just ask for the directions on Twitter? Any computer-literate person knows that information is just a twitter – I mean, a tweet – away.

Tweeting was one of the ways many learned about Captain ‘Sully’ Sullenburger’s safe landing of US Airways Flight 1549 into the Hudson River, after both engines had been struck by birds. He even sparked a new phrase… Way to ‘land it in the Hudson,’ Sully!

What would Oprah have to say about all this? You have about one more year to ask. To the disappointment of millions, she announces this year is the last season of her show.

Wipe those tears from your eyes and put on some 3D glasses. It’s time to go see Avatar! The 500 million dollar blockbuster is making history as the most expensive movie ever made. If the storyline of Avatar is a predecessor for the future, I’m all smiles. Who wouldn’t want to welcome in the New Year with an aesthetically-proportioned blue giant trying to save the universe?

Happy New Year, everyone! We hope 2010 proves to be another year of getting your questions answered… on Answers.com, of course.

The temperature is dropping, the snow is whirling around, and frost-bitten vendors are selling honey-roasted peanuts on the street corner. It’s that time of year again; The time to show your holiday warmth and spread that selfless, super fuzzy holiday cheer.

Not!

I’ll tell you what Xmas means…It’s SANTA LETTER WRITING TIME! Yay!

I want an iPhone!

I want Guitar Hero! I want a bulldog.

I want Skittles for breakfast. I want to fly to Hollywood and meet Robert Pattinson!

I want, I want… I WANT to fly to space (only $200,000 now!)

And while you’re at it Santa, I want a year’s supply of astronaut ice cream!

Just let it out! All year long you helped old ladies cross the road, you found lost puppies and brought them back to their owners! You never Jay-walked. You ate asparagus because it made your momma proud. You helped your little sister with homework, and you always threw your gum out in the garbage, even if the garbage can was at the end of the block. You donated your allowance to worthy causes like cancer research and heck, you even walked along the sidewalk so that you wouldn’t hurt the grass— because that’s the kind of person YOU are.

So now is your chance to ask for everything and anything you want. Santa is known to give good girls and boys anything their heart desires… (he also happens to be a huge fan of Answers.com).

So go ahead, tell Santa what you want for Christmas!

Monogamy, your one and only
Not if you’re a cow or pony.
In the pasture lush and green
The bull and stallion check the scene.
They hook up with females one by one.
Smoke some grass when they are done (only in legalized states)
At the end of this flirtation
The female waits, she’s in  gestation.
Will Romeo  stay by her side
That’s not the case for the ruminant bride.

Gorillas, Orangutans have large harems
One male gets all and doesn’t share ‘em.
The alpha stomps and his knuckles pound
The females swoon and fight for ground.
They are in estrus, for a month and a day,
A bright pink booty develops to light the way
The alpha is noisy and quite chatty
Bragging how he became  the clan’s ‘baby daddy.’

Bullfrog calls are loud and deep,
Waking up the females from their beauty sleep.
They expand their larynx, the babes draw near
These males don’t play games, their intentions are clear.
It’s on to Amplexus (physically  locked together as one),
They each separate, after they’ve had their fun.
In 20% of cases, one parent sticks around,
But couples aren’t common –they’re rarely found.
From Darwin to Nova, scientists are going berserk
To figure out why amphibian couples just don’t work.

Skunks and ferrets make stinky hubbies
They scout for babes in the trees and at clubbies
When they find ‘em its wartime, a battle on land.
Each male is prepared with an anal stink gland
The spray comes out, like a shot from an uzi
The winner takes the females to the hotel Jacuzzi.
When his girl is preggers he moves on to the next,
The ladies are angry, but they do no protest.

Leafcutter ants don’t bother with dates
The female flies out and in mid-air mates.
A few males on the left and a few more on the right
She stores millions of sperm, en route, on her flight.
When she’s done with the males, they pass out and die
A colony she’ll form (who needs a guy?)
There are drones underneath  and  guard ants above
The hierarchy’s successful, but where is the love?

Last but not least, the yolk and albumin
Blastulate and gastrulate forming a human
The men show off biceps and buy women flowers
While the ladies wear make-up, they’ve put on for hours
The pair smile and bond, life is so happy
But sometimes the truth can be quiet crappy
She is a gold-digger, wants all his money
While he’s busy staring at some other honey

It’s his animal instincts, all right! What can he do?

And she’s providing for offspring, small salaries won’t do
Does mother nature win? Or can we control what we choose
And decide to be faithful, even when singing the blues.
If you look to the famous, like Clinton or Princess Di
You might give up hope, sit back and cry
But just when you think monogamy is absurd,
Do not fret my friends, look to the birds…

Are Birds Monogamous?

There is probably no holiday more controversial than National Bosses Day; A day created  to celebrate and appreciate the work of one’s boss. Huh!? You heard me right. No, not Employees Day…  Bosses Day.

The term ‘boss’ alone elicits fear, hate, disdain and so many other negative emotions and gastric reflexes, it is surprising that such a day even exists.  Many workers refer to it as ‘Pain-in-the-a$$ Day,’ ‘Suck-up –to-Satan Day’, or many other endearing terms that would best be defined using urbandictionary .com and some parental advisory.

So, Why do people hate their bosses so much? asks a WikiAnswers user.

A: It’s pretty simple-  The boss is in a position of extreme power. You are the subordinate;  weak  and helpless- the vulnerable underdog.
Let’s face it; No one likes getting ordered around, being told what to do and when to do it. Bossman, or Bosswoman,  can analyze your weak  performance and point out your imperfections . They can break you down slowly and silently so by the end of your your 9-5, you hand in your time card along with your dignity. Bosses can reduce your hours and your self-esteem. They can  rearrange your vacation days, create tension in your workspace, and hold  an invisible pink slip over your head.  The Boss says jump and you must  say ‘how high’.

Yipes! Why does this day even exist!???

I will tell you, my friends. It exists because every now and then you will come across a rare gem. Believe it or not, there are indeed bosses out there that do the best for their employees, that care for them, that even worry for their well being. I jest with you not.  When those above us choose to use their power  to create a person instead of destroy him, to train employees on how to use their skills for the benefit of the company  instead of belittling their errors, when the boss  promotes an environment of cheer, where thoughts and opinions are welcomed instead of suppressed – it humbles us. So much so, that the few that exist deserve a national holiday.

Leaders can reign through fear or love. Those who reign through love rally up the troops to help protect  and improve the whole. Those who rule with fear have much more success in the beginning but almost never succeed in the long run. Feared leaders must always worry about being overthrown. Hitler, Stalin, Mao Tse-Tung and Simon Cowell rule through fear. Gandhi, Princess Di, Churchill, Lincoln and  Richard Simmons rule by  love. In such a confusing world, what would nature have us choose?  There are many  animals that live in packs, pods, and other social groups, just like us . They also have one defined leader – so how do they succeed?

Well this is the part where I should say through love, that we should learn to hug and cuddle one another the way a group of fuzzy baby gorillas in diapers do- but it’s not the case. Most animal groups that have a leader- the alpha male (the rare alpha female and alpha pairs also exist)-are established via violence, force and terror .

• Take your typical pride  of lions. If Mr. Lion King wants to take over the pride, he fights the current alpha. If he wins, he kills all the offspring of the previous male (infanticide) and drives away any teenage competition.

• The Alpha wolf stands at the head of the pack. He leads the hunt, and gets first dibs on the kill. Although the members of the group share the rest of the freshly caught meat -along with the perks of protection and territory, they are reproductively suppressed. In fact,  if a male wolf so much looks at the Leader’s mate, he’s in trouble… Wolves use eye contact to establish rank and a wandering eye can mean a slash across the jaw.

• Next we have the hierarchical society of the common chicken. Throw in a few more hens – and chaos ensues until a new pecking order is established. Even worse, throw in a rooster and you have an all out cockfight on your hands. And they fight to the death by the way (care to place any bets, Pedro Martinez?).

• Alas, what about those baby gorillas mentioned? You guessed it; when they grow up they lead through fear – grunting, pushing and intimidating the heck out of the competition. Sometimes the males do cooperate with one another; If it involves mutiny.

In all these cases, groups stay successful for short periods  of time until the current leader is ousted, killed, or dethroned to a lower rank.

So wake up and smell the office coffee! Next time you are lucky enough to have a boss who doesn’t stare you down or cockfight you to mental  death, smile and appreciate it.  When your boss doesn’t eat your firstborn or intimidate you, realize how lucky you are! This goes against nature! Give back to your giving boss! Buy a cupcake and balloon and say ‘Thank You’ on National Bosses Day.

On behalf of myself and all the lucky employees of Answers.com, thank you Bob.

We all do it. We fake it.

We faked  our age when we wanted to get into that bar in high school, we fake being sick when we don’t want to take an exam. We fake a bad cell phone connection when we don’t want to talk to the person on the other end of the line. We fake tans, fake eye color and fake hair. We fake our height with heels. We fake steak  with tofu and we fake diamonds with cubic zirconium.

Heck, we even have fake pets – cyberpug anyone?  We fake drugs for placebo effect. We fake manners to be polite. We fake work when we are tired. We fake boobs and we fake our gut (inhale deeply, guys).

Ever had to stand up and make a speech? Unless you were born with Obama’s oratory skills, you probably had to fake some confidence.  We fake sports, like the WWE. And yes – as Elaine said – we fake that, too.

Most notable of all are fake labels. Yesterday my friend told me she got a monogram Vernis, Lois Vuitton bag –special edition Brentwood collection. It was $20, and it was fake.

She bought it  in Chinatown next to the fake perfume and fake Rolexes.
I can’t believe it! She said, “It even has the same inner lining as  the real one.”  She stroked her Louis with fragile admiration as though she had given birth to it herself.

“Jessica, it’s a fake,” I reminded her.

“So what!?  Nobody can tell, it looks real and that’s all that matters!”

Is that really  all that matters?

In a world where fakeness is everywhere, does it pay to be real?

In the Wild, many species’ survivability depends on being fake. How do animals  defend themselves in the wild by appearing to be something they’re not?, asks a WikiAnswers user.

A: Lizards such as the gecko and skink  are able to fake injury and loss of limbs. As the tail wiggles on its own,  it distracts the predator from the main entrée; The lizard can then run off and grow back its limbs in safety. Many Octopi have a similar talent- they can fake an arm amputation. The tentacles squirm while the octopus swims off in the opposite direction.

Puffer Fish are small spiky marine organisms that can blow up to 300% their size when scared-going from ‘tennis ball’ to ‘spiked basketball’ within seconds. Although it looks scary, it’s fake. The fish is just full of hot air.

At the Sriracha Zoo in Chonburi, Thailand, A female tiger, who had lost her cubs, nursed fake offspring: piglets adorned in tiger-print costumes.

Opossums fake death. ‘Playing possum’ is a well known animal defense mechanism .  When fear  sets in the opossum produces  biochemicals that induce a near coma, and release a foul ‘deathly’ smell from the anus. What self-respecting predator would want to eat yesterday’s leftover lunch meat?

In the animal world, faking it means making it. Animals fake it in order to protect themselves from danger. Whereas when people fake it, we are often putting ourselves in harm’s way. Fake tans can mean skin cancer. Fake IDs can mean DUI’s and jail time. Fake diamonds can lead to a sad fiancé. Fake Louis Vuittons can mean an end to free enterprise. And what about fake relationships – do we fake love?

Should you go out on a fake a date with a guy in order to get the guy you really like jealous?, asks a WikiAnswers user.

A: Bad idea!
What if this “fake date” makes him angry instead of jealous and he decides to go out with someone else instead? And what about the fake date. If he really likes you he will be hurt when he finds out you just used him. A good relationship takes honesty. Faking a date to make someone jealous will just end up hurting all 3 of you.

So there you have it: physically speaking, a little fakeness can go a long way, but mentally, you gotta keep it real.