no.stupid.answers

Ever since Jim returned from his journey through Africa, he has shared with me many of his tales of wild travels and high adventures.

But, c’mon, we all know what that’s like so I thought we should share one of the highlights of his months touring Africa: his discovery of his favorite person of all time (plus, it  has something to do with chocolate). So prepare for a mouth-watering, yet friendly, WikiAnswers Wednesday:

Who is your favorite person of all time?

Mr. Chocolate is my favorite person of all time. He’s a kind, gentle old man living in Nkahta Bay, Malawi. His real name is Finlayson Nyirenda, but everyone calls him Mr. Chocolate because each night he sells chocolate bars to the tourists at one of the hostels in the town called Mayoka Village.

He got started in this enterprise several years ago on the advice of an Israeli tourist, and hasn’t looked back since. So each night he meticulously lays out his chocolate bars in a very particular order that only he knows, sits next to the table in his designated chair, and promptly dozes off. You have to nudge him when you want some chocolate for him to wake up, and he immediately does with a huge smile on his face and a nice laugh. The chocolate is not cheap, especially for local standards, but you can’t help but want to give him your money.

I highly recommend engaging him in a conversation about the area, since he has lived for 74 years, well beyond the average life expectancy in Malawi. His family is related to all the chiefs in the area, and he has been a key part in the history of the town during his lifetime.

I came to Nkhata Bay intending to stay for a couple of days, but ended up staying for two weeks in Nkhata Bay, in large part, because I couldn’t bear to leave Mr. Chocolate. His infectious smile, gentle and friendly nature, and giant purple hat have put him at the number one spot on my all time favorite people list.

~ Jim

Remember Jim? Of course you do!

He’s managed to make contact with me from the depths of Africa, where he is currently hiding from assassins researching banana leaves. He sent this WikiAnswers Wednesday question via Morse code and after decoding it, I realized there is something very important to be said for vaccination research.

Do mosquitoes have tails?

I don’t know if mosquitoes have tails, but I can tell what they do have: malaria.

Malaria’s a bitch, and I know first hand after having gone through some pretty miserable days with it a few weeks back. I was all set to get on a boat on Lake Tanganyika, when I felt like dying. The first day is pretty awful, in part because the medicine you take in helping you get rid of the disease also goes ballistic on your body. The next day was bad, but I didn’t feel like dying. After that I felt a lot better.

Still, I hate mosquitoes, and I don’t think your question is the right one in this case. The correct question should be how do we get rid of all mosquitoes forever, regardless of any negative consequences this might have on the natural balance of the world or whatever. Does this help?

Why do you even care if they have tails? Does it matter? Yes, they do have tails… Do you feel better now? Or… No, they don’t; has your life significantly changed?

Anyways, have a nice day and I hope you don’t get malaria.

Jim

Have you ever sat in your cubicle at work thinking, “Gee, I wish I had more vacation days, shorter work hours and a bigger paycheck… I wish I had better medical benefits, a 2008 Bentley Azure with built-in seat warmers and was a redhead?”

Well, the first four can be easily solved by joining a union.

The National Labor Union was the first national union in the United States. It was created in 1866 and included many types of workers who bonded together for a common goal. The concept is simple - it’s hard to fight for things alone, there’s power in numbers.

So when a WikiAnswers contributor posed this question:

Do unionized workers earn more money or benefits than similarly situated workers in non-unionized firms in the same industry?

I immediately thought of zebras and this other WikiAnswers question:

Why do Zebras have stripes?

The answers to both of these questions are one and the same. Zebras, like unionized workers, have taken advantage of group tactics. In business psychology, this phenomenon is known as the ‘Union Wage Effect.’ Those workers who are part of a union have consistently enjoyed more benefits than their non-unionized counterparts- wages and pensions that are 16% higher, increased job security In hard economic times (i.e.- current recession), protection of rights, better health care, overtime pay, organized strikes, more vacation, and more compensated time off.

Sure you have to pay some annual dues and shout repetitive phrases while holding home-made signs, but you will have a lot more people looking out for you. Think about it - if you were in the wild, dealing with group demands is a small price to pay to avoid becoming a lion’s dinner (or lion’s appetizer if your BMI falls in the ‘petite’ category).

Zebras use the same technique, but in zoology this phenomenon is known as the ‘Dilution Effect’. It states that assuming the predator attacks different-sized groups - ‘n’ - with the same probability, an individual has a 1/n chance of getting picked out and killed - therefore, the chances of being killed decline as group size increases.

In other words, if a hyena attacks a group of 20 zebras, a zebra has a 1/20 chance of being eaten. If your boss tries to cut your overtime wages, and you are in a union of 100 people, your boss will have to work 99% harder to convince everyone to do so and his success of having that wage cut is 1/100.

And just as the symbol UFT has become synonymous with united teachers and EU has become synonymous with a united European currency, stripes are synonymous with zebra unity. When a lion looks at a group of zebras - all with the same patterns and the same stripes - moving against the long blades of African grass, it appears as though one massive striped pattern is moving together - and it becomes that much more difficult for the lion to pick out an individual from the crowd.

So next time you are at your cubicle asking yourself how you can make the day more enjoyable, remember the power is in joining your colleagues and standing up together as one voice - that’s how the zebras do it!

Many zebras, but one (hoarse?) voice.