no.stupid.answers

Is the case of of Tilikum vs. Branchaeu an instance of murder in the first degree or a simple act of animal instincts?

No one other than Tilikum knows what was going on in his head on Wednesday, February 24th, when he grabbed Dawn Brancheau, a veteran SeaWorld trainer, by the ponytail - and drowned her.

But, I would like to make an educated guess: Tilikum knew exactly what he was doing; I would even go so far as to say he waited for an audience to make his point ever clearer.

Am I anthropomorphosizing? Totally.

Do I have any basis for my hypothesis? You betcha.

First, a few facts about killer whales (aka Orcinus Orca, aka Cetaceanus premeditates killius) to make my case:

1. Tilikum is intelligent- in fact he’s a straight up Genius.

Although Scientists argue over how to measure true intelligence (self awareness tests, tool use, etc…) almost all agree on one fact: brain/body proportions have a direct correlation to intelligence; The bigger, heavier and more ‘wrinkly’ the brain, in comparison to body size , the smarter the animal. This is known as the Encephalization Quotient or EQ. According to these standards, that would make Cetaceans (whales and dolphins) among the smartest animals in the world, second only to you, me and the rest of our fellow Homo sapiens. Although EQ varies widely between species, the Orca has an EQ of 2.57, which is below the human EQ of 7.44, but is still one of the highest among mammals.

Skeptical? Argue your point through SONAR. Oh right - you can’t.

2. Killer Whales that are trained get punished - and that sucks.

Take it from a former zookeeper-a lot goes on behind closed doors. Visitors don’t get to see it all, and this includes punishment. By NO means am I alluding to animal abuse, I’m talking about positive/negative reinforcement- a necessary evil in the world of trained animals. Just like a mom and her child, a trainer must discipline an animal as part of training. When Tilikum puts the ball in the basket he gets a fish, but when he throws it at another orca, he gets denied that yummy fish-that’s positive reinforcement; rewarding good behavior and withholding the award for bad.

Then there’s option 2, negative reinforcement. The trainer can punish a bad behavior- i.e., the animal may get a smaller fish for lunch or receive a tap of disapproval. You didn’t like it when your momma took away your ice cream, did you? What makes an Orca any different. It just so happens, on that fateful day that Tilikum killed his trainer, he was misbehaving at a prior show and was reprimanded for it; which brings us to the next point…

3. Killer whales have a killer memory.

Along With a huge brain comes a huge temporal lobe. This giant mush of cognition contains an almond –shaped, neuron-packed area called the amygdale, that holds onto memories- the good and the bad. In fact, the UK’s premier memory supplier for RAM and all things tech-memory related - is called ORCA . Maybe this was the day Tilikum retrieved some painful megabytes of hardrive…

4. It’s a hard knock life- Living in a bathtub.

Let’s face it - Orcas’ living conditions are not exactly ‘glamorous’. The United States Geologic Survey (USGS) estimates there to be 346,049,000,000,000,000,000 gallons of water in the oceans (yup we’re in the sixtillions now), whereas the Orlando SeaWorld aquarium tank holds a measly 7 million gallons. On top of that, the orcas are ushered in and out of these tanks via smaller ‘holding areas’ with controlled gates. The trainers are the gatekeepers; And, Tilikum and his whale friends know this.

5. Killer whales have feelings too!

Emotions. Animals. Two words that are so simple, yet when placed side by side in a sentence, cause a monsoon of debate.

Can Orcas feel? Scientific studies, field observations, and contributors on Answers.com claim - yes!

Orcas travel in pods- complex social groups. Within the group, individuals partake in monogamous relationships, cheating, ostracizing..you name it! They also experience jealousy, anger, bullying, and even exhibit revenge-seeking behaviors.

Tilikum is the saltwater Brad Pitt - this hunka’ chunka’ Orcan lovin’ has sired 13 kids- only to have each one taken from him as a whale toddler, ouch! that’s gotta hurt (the pop and pod). To top it off, he’s the biggest Orca in captivity - you gotta assume broski had some body issues going on.

6. Killer whales and humans are BFF.

Killer Whales are not naturally aggressive to humans- This is a fact. In the wild, they have been known to swim alongside divers and even protect them from sharks. Occasionally, due to curiosity, they have upturned a boat but have left the floating humans in peace. Even in captivity, violence towards trainers in theme parks or aquariums is an aberration (hence the pandemonium over this incident).

So why, Tilly? Why’d you do it?

Now we come to the raw guts of the case: Team Tilikum’s defensive strategy claims that he wanted to inspect the ponytail of Brancheau (a human he’s seen every day for the past 15 years), and simply played with her as a ‘water toy.’

Was curiosity and playfulness responsible for the drowning one of his trainers in 1991, at SeaLand in British Columbia, or the death of the man that crept into his Orlando tank in 1999?

Give me a break! To assume so, would be to disrespect the species and is just plain wrong.

The Verdict:

The Verdict is therefore involuntary manslaughter with motive to injure-justified by self defense; Defending a life in captivity after being ripped from Iceland’s coast, at the tender age of 2, and losing his family, his freedom, and his right to live out his life as wild orca.

The Sentence: Exoneration and mandatory community service in the form of looking cute and Shamu-like for visitors (Be a trooper, Tills- you are an ambassador for your species and hey, you got off pretty clean).

At the end of the day no one wants to see an orca with a flopped dorsal fin, it might just be one of the saddest sights in the whole wide world. A majestic symbol of beauty and nature confined to a swimming pool of humankind.

Yet, I am not a proponent of closing down the parks and releasing all marine life to the wild; SeaWorld is a real-life educational operation - which ‘owns’ 25 orcas and annually receives over 13 million visitors. That’s an impressive number (over half a million visitors, per orca, per year)! If even one percent of the people that experienced the orca became moved to help their cause - as did I, and Brancheau, the dedicated, skilled, and happy marine biologist who lost her life – then was its purpose served?

I believe the answer is yes.

Whether or not you agree with me, there is a way we can all help: How can we save the Whales?

Monogamy, your one and only
Not if you’re a cow or pony.
In the pasture lush and green
The bull and stallion check the scene.
They hook up with females one by one.
Smoke some grass when they are done (only in legalized states)
At the end of this flirtation
The female waits, she’s in  gestation.
Will Romeo  stay by her side
That’s not the case for the ruminant bride.

Gorillas, Orangutans have large harems
One male gets all and doesn’t share ‘em.
The alpha stomps and his knuckles pound
The females swoon and fight for ground.
They are in estrus, for a month and a day,
A bright pink booty develops to light the way
The alpha is noisy and quite chatty
Bragging how he became  the clan’s ‘baby daddy.’

Bullfrog calls are loud and deep,
Waking up the females from their beauty sleep.
They expand their larynx, the babes draw near
These males don’t play games, their intentions are clear.
It’s on to Amplexus (physically  locked together as one),
They each separate, after they’ve had their fun.
In 20% of cases, one parent sticks around,
But couples aren’t common –they’re rarely found.
From Darwin to Nova, scientists are going berserk
To figure out why amphibian couples just don’t work.

Skunks and ferrets make stinky hubbies
They scout for babes in the trees and at clubbies
When they find ‘em its wartime, a battle on land.
Each male is prepared with an anal stink gland
The spray comes out, like a shot from an uzi
The winner takes the females to the hotel Jacuzzi.
When his girl is preggers he moves on to the next,
The ladies are angry, but they do no protest.

Leafcutter ants don’t bother with dates
The female flies out and in mid-air mates.
A few males on the left and a few more on the right
She stores millions of sperm, en route, on her flight.
When she’s done with the males, they pass out and die
A colony she’ll form (who needs a guy?)
There are drones underneath  and  guard ants above
The hierarchy’s successful, but where is the love?

Last but not least, the yolk and albumin
Blastulate and gastrulate forming a human
The men show off biceps and buy women flowers
While the ladies wear make-up, they’ve put on for hours
The pair smile and bond, life is so happy
But sometimes the truth can be quiet crappy
She is a gold-digger, wants all his money
While he’s busy staring at some other honey

It’s his animal instincts, all right! What can he do?

And she’s providing for offspring, small salaries won’t do
Does mother nature win? Or can we control what we choose
And decide to be faithful, even when singing the blues.
If you look to the famous, like Clinton or Princess Di
You might give up hope, sit back and cry
But just when you think monogamy is absurd,
Do not fret my friends, look to the birds…

Are Birds Monogamous?

Ok, what to write about this week… Petfood? Nah. Maybe Marsupials; they are cool… Nah. How about global warming? Nope, not in a tree-hugger mood… Next. What about toenails and socks?  Yes, I can see it now- the evolution of clothing and its relationship to the human form.

Bleh, I’m going to get a ‘FAIL’ on this blog post.
Well, technically speaking, blogs don’t get  graded - phew! But I can get an ‘F’ in likability - arrg! That’s even worse, to get a mental F in blog writing. Well it’s not actually ‘mental dislike’ if people can post comments, duh. Nirel!

Ok, work, brain, work!

Nothing.

It’s as though my head has been filled with wet concrete and I feel it drying. I just need to calm down. Relaxe por favor senorita; just think happy thoughts and the ideas will flow.

It’s simple. I sit in front of the computer with my hands on the keyboard and you tell me what to type, ok, brainypie? Hmm, maybe he doesn’t like the nickname I just gave him. Should I talk to you in first person or third person? First person it is! OK you will be called Mr. Brain - or better yet, Sir Brain. A title, as though you have been knighted by a queen.

Ok, royal brain, go for it!

Nothing.

Take your time. I don’t mean to pressure you. Maybe I’m just crazy? I’m talking to myself, after all. But people who talk to themselves are smart - like a kid who has an imaginary friend. Psychologists say it’s perfectly fine, even healthy - but is that normal for adults? Sure it is!
Says who?
Says me!
So there!

Get it together, captain! Why can’t my brain function? I do my best for you! I eat tons of salmon, even though I don’t like it, so you can get your Omega 3 fatty acids… And this is how you repay me? All I want is a decision on a simple idea for this blog.

Ok, have it your way. I will ask WikiAnswers for help: How can you make good decisions during a stressful time?

A: I think it depends on whether you are stressed or not. Stressed= bad decisions, Relaxed=Good decisions. Even if you rely on your instincts, they are hard to filter out  during times of stress

According  to WikiAnswers, I am making a bad decision right now because I can’t rely on my instincts. What if I concentrate, remove all stress from the situation and  become attune with my deep inner animal self-will I be able to think and make a confident decision then?

Can animals make rational decisions?

A: Although the answer is debatable for highly intelligent creatures such as pet dogs and dolphins, The answer is No, it is due to experience. Over time, an animal’s instincts improve and branch off, which accounts for the fact that animals as well as pets are said to have the capability to rationalize in any given situation, but that is simply not true- the animal  makes a quick, gut, instinctual decision without thinking too much about it.

Awesome! Decision-making without thinking!

Quick, should I post this to the blog?

My gut says, Yes!

I’ve been thinking a lot about animals lately. I took a trip to the zoo last week and I can’t stop thinking about something weird I saw. I was standing outside the monkeys area, watching all these eerily people-like orangutans jumping, playing, fighting, etc.

My eyes wondered nearby and I noticed on the ground next to me was this incredible swarm/army of black ants. The beefy kind. There must have been thousands of them, all in this one little spot, scrambling in and out of a hole in the ground.

It got me thinking:

Why don’t ants eat monkeys?

I mean, there must be trillions - if not quadrillions - of them on planet Earth. They are everywhere, numbering in thousands at a time. They could totally rise together and eat monkeys. If they took down one monkey, the whole clan would be fed for a good decade, assuming they could keep the meat fresh.

I have pondered a few reasons why this would actually not benefit the ant population. Here’s a sample:

Monkey meat is probably quite tough (all that swinging). I’m not sure if ants have teeth, but if they do; ouch.

Ants are incredible smart creatures. They probably look down at the monkeys (as they watch them up there swinging in the trees) and think, Blech. Something so easy to catch would probably make us stupider.

The hairballs. *shudder*

I’m pretty satisfied with my hypotheses, but you may not be. Any more ideas?

Everywhere we turn there they are; in the food we eat, the air we breathe and even on our cute pet pugs; no, I am not talking about the cast from High School Musical. I speak of parasites. As long as nature has evolved, parasites have evolved along with it.

So exactly what is a parasite, asks a WikiAnswers user.

A parasite is an organism that benefits from a close, prolonged relationship with another organism - its host - while the host organism is harmed. Examples include tapeworms in the human intestine, mites on a parrot or fungus infesting a maple tree. In all these cases, one species is sucking the life force out of another species.

So, are there any instances where this negative relationship occurs within the same species?

The answer, my fellow humans, is yes. Scientifically referred to as direct intraspecific kleptoparasitism, this type of parasitism is rare in nature but an all too common phenomenon amongst our own kind. Think about those hardworking parents, waiting with outstretched arms, to embrace their Xbox-playing, beer-chugging, Tila-Tequila-quoting, recent college graduates. These parents are so happy and giving, only to find, five years down the line, that their child has no intention of leaving the house with the couch, free laundry service and magical fridge that autofills each week.

What can we do to remedy this problem?

In nature, the rule is kill or be killed: the host or parasite will eventually die. Luckily, tapeworms are destroyed by one prescribed pill from the doctor, parrots get treated with a lethal-mite shampoo and fungus on a maple tree is attacked by toxins in the leaves.

People parasites are, however, different. There is no shampoo that gets your son a job interview or special toxin that oozes out of the Xbox controller when it’s been handled too long.

Perhaps communication is the key? Words are powerful, motivational and life-changing! Like one WikiAnswers user dared ask:

Can you tell your daughter and her children to move out of your house?

Change the locks. Sometimes locks speak louder than words and are a lot healthier than pesticide.

Did you know? WikiAnswers currently has 2,471 community-grown Q&A collections; in short, there are a whole buncha topics covered on the site, and the number is constantly getting bigger.

Since March began, we’ve been finding WikiAnswers listed as a source for lots of blog posts spanning several topics. Let’s take a look:

• Animals: Don’t you love how a group of animals always has to have a special name? Laughter Thoughts introduces us to the troop - her own and an actual troop of monkeys.

• Human anatomy: Over at The Mutated World of Eclectic Disarray, we get to find out how much of the human body is made up of water. That’s an easy one, you say? Well, what about the human brain, then? This statistic makes you think twice (be careful of the puddles).

• Christianity: Learn how to say the Rosary of Liberation with This Burning Fire.

• Politics: Finally, someone is sharing what a Super Delegate is with the rest of us (and that someone is Clear Fog Blog).

• Junk food: Fracas is celebrating the birth of the Oreo cookie! I wonder what kind of cake an Oreo cookie eats on its own birthday?

• Sea food: If we eat oysters, what do oysters eat? Small oysters? Small people? Before I get a head of myself, Live Love Life has it all worked out.

• Sports: A teacher gets philosophical about sports, starting with the basics: Why are they important?

• Personal development: Interesting blog - Agile Personal Development - discussing the difference between skills and knowledge.

• Language: In case you couldn’t figure it out, and are ready for the truth, dvmp sorts it out from his latest blog entry: Where did the phrase “beat you like a redheaded stepchild” come from?

• Seasons: It feels like it’s spring already, but Scott reminds us that the first day of spring has not yet sprung.

• Lawyers: Brand new shark lawyer with a brand new blawg wants to remind the rest of us how many lawyers there are in the United States. Thanks, man. Now I will jump off the roof.

It’s a New Year edition of the WikiAnswers Contributor Corner. Today, we’ll take a look at LauraFrog, who hails from the land down under. Out where she is…it’s already 2008! The rest of us still have a few hours to go…

LauraFrog is one of our youngest Supervisors and so we just HAD to find out what she’s all about…besides her affinity for frogs.

How did you originally hear about WikiAnswers?

Doing homework. I got frustrated and typed basically an entire question into Google - and somebody had already asked it on WikiAnswers. I hit the link, used some of the keywords in the answer to find the info I needed and went straight back to WikiAnswers because I thought it was interesting. There were a few REALLY STUPID questions in there that I could possibly have answered at age four. So I answered them. For about an hour. Suffice it to say, I got hooked — like everyone else who ended up a supervisor!

What motivates you to volunteer your time to the WikiAnswers community?

Search me! Ok ok…it’s probably because ignorance is the single most irritating thing to me. I go to school where people constantly diss me because I don’t care that last weekend [popular girl] split up with [hot boy] and called him [profanity] in [chat room] and [school gossip] saw the screen and told [tart] who spread notes around [class] in [subject] and pissed off [hot boy’s mate]. I missed the conversation because at the time I was practicing with the choir in the music block, ignoring [popular boys] playing electric guitars with the amps on full volume, barely visible through the crowd of females. Not including me.

I get sick of the rumours, and people who think they know me because they put a label on me and say they know all there is to know about nerds. There’s always something more to learn, something hiding, something to find out. I like helping other people to find out more instead of sitting around saying ‘why do I care anyway?’ I love the way that everybody adds to the answer, so you might write down a few sentences and come back a month later and learn more than you gave to the person who asked the question.

What is your area of expertise?

I love animals. I live in a rural area of Australia so I’ve grown up with them. My landlord’s bull is as much my pet as my cat is. If I call out ‘Henry!’ he sidles up to the fence, rubs his head on me and eats mangoes out of my hand. The possums that live in our roof are tame, and we used to have a kangaroo rat that hopped inside every night, often with her offspring, to eat oats out of a dish that we always left in the kitchen for her. I spend most of my WikiAnswers time on Animal Life because I have a science brain and lots of practical experience with animals.

So what about your screenname?

Frogs are my favourites. I trained my frog, Gargantua, based on his instincts - he would move away from pressure, towards food etc. Frogs instinctively climb up, so I would put him on my hand and aim my elbow at the roof, and he would climb along my arm. He would also jump if I touched him in the right place. I’ve dedicated a fair bit of my life to ‘frog activism’. It annoys me that people stick up for anything cute and cuddly but are scared or revolted by frogs. At age 10 I was emailing local politicians demanding that they reinstate funding to frog-related conservation projects. I’ve also appeared on the TV quiz show The Einstein Factor - special subject Wet Tropics Frogs.

What is the funniest question/funniest experience as a Supervisor on WikiAnswers?

There are a few. Before I became a supervisor, I was trawling the Computers topic and I came across a question: “What does the new function do?” (I refrained from answering ‘you tell me since you presumably know what it is!’)

Next…I was online when I got a message on my board from somebody saying they loved my contribs, so I was really flattered and I replied. Then one of their friends came online and started having a real time conversation about one of their boyfriends on MY MESSAGE BOARD! I didn’t know what to do so I waited until one of them logged off and deleted the posts…

Share a random fact about yourself.

Random? I am random…Standard issue answer to this one, I was born six weeks premature, got operated on when I was 2 days old, and was given a 60% chance of surviving.

…I did!