no.stupid.answers

Because I almost majored in psychology back in college, I thought I’d dedicate today’s edition of WikiAnswers Wednesday to my talents in analysis. I make no guarantee that you will be cured, however.

If three astronauts are in a canoe flying over the Gobi desert and they crash how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?

Here are a few of the actual answers given,along with my psychological commentary.

It depends on how fast they were flying and the size of the dog.

This answer reflects a diversion tactic often used on questioners when the answerer has no freakin’ clue, so they essentially ask to clarify the question. Seen very often in middle and high schools.

73 because a motorcycle has no doors.

Ah, yes. Drawing attention away from the issue at hand. A confusion-diversion tactic.

0 because Dairy Queen don’t deliver on Wednesday.

Too true, and possibly the best answer of the bunch. I’ve been a victim of that Dairy Queen problem for years.

63 because John Lennon isn’t from Scandinavia

This is a guilt tactic. John Lennon is dead, and therefore when hearing his name in the response, the questioner becomes saddened and forgets the initial question. Works extremely when using Martin Luther King, Jr.

Where is Ted Kennedy on this day? Double the pancakes. Size of the dog house could also affect the hysteresis loop, propagating a negative slew rate, possibly causing the pancake effect. This is remedied by all pancake “roofers”, no pun intended, to eat said pancakes prior to “roofing”. The slew rate will get through the hysteresis loop, validating good shingles. That is all the clarification you need.

Verbose ranting. Indeed.

Ice Cream has no bones

Thank goodness.

42

A classic response to any question, and quite a cliche I might add.

There you have it, a display of psychological genius. Care to share your own?

Sometimes it’s so hot that popsicles melt faster than you can lick them. Before you know it, blue juice has decorated your elbow and is racing gravity to the ground.

So why do they melt so quickly? Is there a way to stop them from melting? How about putting them back in the freezer? It turns out there is a way to slow down the speed at which ice melts, but I wouldn’t recommend trying it with something you’re planning to eat.

If popsicles are getting you down, try ice cream instead. Popsicles (and sherbet, too) have a high sugar content, and sugar melts fast. Ice cream has less sugar and more fat, so it holds together for longer (not that long, though). Here’s something to try at home:

The Awesome Ice Cream Experiment

Materials:

1 chocolate ice cream cone

1 vanilla ice cream cone

1 strawberry ice cream cone

2 faithful friends who like ice cream (but not so much that they’ll eat your experiment)

bare feet

Method:

Stand in the sun with your friends, holding the three ice cream cones (no licking!). See which one melts first. Alternatively, lick the drips and whoever finishes first is the winner. When you have a champion, document your scientific discovery on WikiAnswers. Good luck!